3 Healthy Sex Habits

Words by: Megan Folmsbee | Music by: Abby Yemm

Image credit: Atman Studios

Image credit: Mariah Weber

I’m not a doctor, a therapist, or a sex professional- but I am a human who has sex- and I figured out quickly that the habits I implement in my sex life can radically change the way I view both myself and my partner- issues of confidence, trust, level excitement, etc..

When I first started having sex I had major sex anxiety. I was constantly asking myself “am I doing this right?” And now, as I’ve grown up, the questions have gotten more and more intimate to my situation… “is there something they’re getting elsewhere that I’m not fulfilling?” “am I as good in bed as their last partner?” These questions have the capacity to not only torment a sexual relationship between 2 humans, but the relationship at hand, and most importantly- your relationship with yourself. When I was finally tired of feeling inadequate and stumped by sex stereotypes, I started listening to The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast. Through the episodes, self-love books, and many (I mean MANY) friendly chats with women I look up to, I’ve developed just a few habits that have brought those stirring questions to rest.

Here are 3 habits I believe will help you on this journey:

Say what you want  

I’m sure you’ve heard this one before, say what you need, don’t ask- be straightforward. But, really! Don’t tip toe around what you know will make you feel best, emotionally and physically. Open and honest communication is the only way that you’ll feel balanced in the world of love making.

I’ve found that actually talking about pleasure, not just experiencing it with your partner(s), leads to not only better sex- but a more intricate view of one another which allows for patience and guidance within the relationship.

Advocating for your pleasure is about much more than helping your partner get to know your body… it’s also about you knowing your own body enough to know what to ask for. So this first habit is a bit of a double whammy.

This will help with that- click on me!

Create a sex-flow with your partner(s)

For people with sex anxiety, or for those of us who just like to know what’s coming, a sex flow can be the perfect way for you and your partner(s) to get it going. A sex flow feels sorta like rehearsing a dance routine…setting a pattern of reoccurring movements or activities prior to sex, such as agreed upon role play or verbal affirmations that help set the stage, or to pick a first movement- asking each other, “what are we both comfortable with that could guide us into a more experimental mindset?” Having a sex flow develops comfortability and trust with one another. You might be reading this thinking “wait my partner and I do that without trying.” Um, yes. Humans create habits inherently and I’m not surprised- in the world of sex… establishing a base of comfort with your partner only sets you up for success.

I’m talking physical success AND emotional success.

Practice being sexually mindful

Mindfulness has always been a hard concept for me to grasp. I’m moving too fast day-to-day, there’s too many things on my to-do list, too many dinners with the girls, and instagram stories to take to pause for a moment and think about anything… let alone in an intentional way. But, I have beloved people in my life who practice mindfulness like a pro and I’m confident we can do it too! But, make it sexy of course.

Mindfulness in sex can be practiced individually and intimately with a partner.

Individually

To me, this looks like taking time out of your routine to get to know yourself (your body too, yes) and your desires away from any distractions- especially your phone. Being alone with yourself in this way establishes a confidence vital to your sex life.

With a partner

Mindfulness with a partner looks like slowing down, turning off distractions (your phone, yep, let’s just forget those things forever) and moving with one another in a way that invites adornment and sensual attitudes. A more concise way to put it- intentional and thought out build up is everything.

Image credit: Danny G

Image credit: Danny G

An Abby Yemm playlist for you…

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Sexy Habits

A playlist created by Abby Yemm

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Megan Folmsbee